An announcement from our friends at QVSD:

Superintendent Search: School Board solicits community input

The Quaker Valley School District’s Board of Directors is seeking community input as it begins its search for the district’s next superintendent. 

“We value community and staff involvement as we analyze the district’s long-term needs and the attributes needed to successfully lead our district,” Sarah Heres, school board president, said.

The school board is working in collaboration with the Allegheny Intermediate Unit and the Pennsylvania School Boards Association as it proceeds through the search process.

Community members can provide feedback online at www.aiu3.net/qvsd or by visiting the district’s website www.qvsd.org and selecting Superintendent Search (the first item listed under the News heading). Input will be collected through Sunday, March 23, 2014.

In addition, community members are encouraged to participate in focus group discussions with members of the Allegheny Intermediate Unit’s Executive Search Committee. Sessions will be held between 6:30-8:30 p.m. on Wednesday, March 19, in the Quaker Valley Middle School auditorium, 618 Harbaugh Street in Sewickley. No RSVP is needed – community members may drop in at any time during the evening session.

The focus group discussions provide community members with the opportunity to provide input regarding the qualities, characteristics and skills desired in Quaker Valley’s next superintendent of schools.

For more information, please contact Tina Vojtko, director of communications and development, at 412-749-3623 or vojtkot@qvsd.org. 

Heroin: A National Problem

Heroin has been in the news lately, due to the string of related deaths in Southwestern PA.  While those deaths have been traced to the toxicity of the heroin being used, there is no doubt that heroin-related overdose deaths are on the rise.  This article, especially its charts, illustrates the depths of the problem.

Helicopter Parenting has Crippled American Teenagers. Here’s How to Fix it.

By Dan Griffin

The key is figuring out how to get teenagers to tune into their own motivation.

Photo by Bevan Gold Swain/Thinkstock

Ian was sitting at his usual place during what his parents had decreed was his nightly homework time. But he had his chair turned away from his open books and calculator, and he was removing the fourth raw hot dog from the package. He gingerly placed it sideways on the family dog Walter’s muzzle and commanded him to “walk.” Ian got the idea after a liberal sampling of YouTube’s stupid pet trick videos.

Ian’s mother, Debbie, peeked in on her son and then turned around to stare at her husband. It was a look that said: “Your turn. Get him back to his homework. I’ve reached my limit today.”

“Ian, its almost 8, let’s get going!” Michael yelled.

Four minutes passed.

“Ian, if you don’t get started now, I will not help you with your math.”

Ian commenced homework but soon drifted to watching more dumb pet tricks on YouTube.

Michael and Debbie had realized early that Ian was extremely bright but that he couldn’t often work up to his capabilities. He was disorganized, easily distracted (the stupid pet tricks!), and discouraged by the slightest failure. So they did what many dedicated parents do these days: turn themselves into a rodeo tag team to keep him on track at his competitive Washington, D.C., private school. Every evening, they reviewed his homework assignments, made a list of priorities, kept track of upcoming tests, reviewed long-term projects, and made plans to get a tutor if the work was confusing. Then the next night, they did it again.

Lately, we have been schooled on the hell that is adolescence, and more specifically, the collateral damage this phase of life inflicts on parents. The recent New York magazine cover story includes several examples of families locked in the kinds of pointless battles I just described. The stories might leave parents who read them with a strong sense of recognition, and also hopelessness. But as a clinical psychologist specializing in family systems, my job is to help parents and kids get past the deadlock. The key, it turns out, is figuring out how to get kids like Ian to tune into their own motivation to get their work done, and to get the parents to tune out of their motivation to shield their kids from failure and disappointment.

“Ian” and his family are recent patients of mine at my private Washington, D.C., practice, and the teenager has the typical profile of many I see. They are often boys, smart but underachieving, possibly with some diagnosis—ADHD, a learning disability, or something on the autistic spectrum. Their parents work diligently to help them succeed: cajoling and pleading and threatening and occasionally employing more intrusive techniques copied from mob debt collectors. The worthy goal of these enormous efforts is to insure that these kids feel good about themselves, and failure to achieve that goal is often equated with failure as a parent. I consider it my job to teach every member of the family to succeed a little less and fail a lot more in the service of a greater goal, developing character. Teaching them to make space for failure is a monumental task and often requires begging on my part.

In my nearly 30 years as a psychologist and family therapist, I’ve learned that parents can only play one of two possible roles at any given time: cheerleader or Texas high-school football coach. The cheerleader’s main goal is to keep the spirits up. As soon as the child is born, he is offered fun activities that are sometimes mildly challenging, so long as they leave the glow of “something positive just happened” —stimulating crib toys, managed play dates, rec sports. The cheerleader has learned to “praise the effort, not the outcome” so mom and dad ignore the score and pass out prizes to all. The coach’s main job, on the other hand, is to build character. Built into that lesson is an assumption of challenge and possible, eventual failure. The aim is to develop a “character repertoire” that includes willpower and the ability to delay gratification and to accept hardship as part of life.

It won’t surprise anyone to hear that we live in an era of cheerleaders. Many sociologists and parenting experts have diagnosed (and complained) about this prevalent style. In my experience the approach works well in the younger years; there is something charming about encouraging effort over just winning, about boosting self-esteem. But then in the middle-school years it often all comes crashing down. The kids are wholly unprepared for what they’ll face and the parents, stuck in cheerleading mode, wind up like Michael and Debbie, like the parents Jennifer Senior profiles in the New York magazine cover story: desperate to “bring back that loving feeling”—the positive glow and sense of parental gratification.

Over the past decade Claudia Mueller and Carol Dweck have conducted six studies of 412 fifth graders, ages 10 through 12, comparing the goals and achievements of children praised for their intelligence with those of youngsters commended for making an effort. “Praising children's intelligence, far from boosting their self-esteem, encourages them to embrace self-defeating behaviors such as worrying about failure and avoiding risks,” said Dweck, lead author of the study. Po Bronson warned about the risks of this parenting error in his 2007 story “How Not to Talk to Your Kids.” Keep praising middle-school kids who are struggling and their grades might never recover, he writes, because they never learn strategies to deal with failure.

So what can parents do? Unfortunately, it’s really hard to motivate parents to shift from cheerleading to coaching mode this late in the game. It’s no fun, and it is not rewarding for parent nor child. It is also counterintuitive, particularly for parents who have spent more than a decade helping their child be as happy as possible and avoid pain. It requires parents to be witnesses to minor and possibly major train wrecks: getting F’s for missed homework, being sucked into the black hole of online games, discovering marijuana—things that make pet tricks look like harmless fun by comparison. The phase requires parents to tolerate anxiety, self-doubt, and failure, not just in their child but—even harder in some ways—in themselves as parents.

But it’s absolutely critical because parents and their kids construct a reality together that at this stage only the parents can undo. As parents, we can get caught in the day-to-day unfolding “story”—the simplest sequence of events in our lives. We find places for our child to have fun and succeed. He is happy. We are good parents. We are happy. End of story.

What I try to do is get parents to appreciate some grander “narrative” —a system of stories, related to each other, that extends the single “story,” say, a failure to prepare for a test, into a larger evolving narrative. Along with David Black, a clinician and research neuropsychologist at the National Institutes of Health, I am developing a program called “Transitions X: Working With Families to Build Autonomy” that includes many such experiments in teaching middle- and high-school parents and their at-risk kids independence. What’s hard is getting the parent commandos to commit to an exit strategy of gradual, real troop withdrawal because it feels to them like neglect or even abuse. We want them to evolve from what has been referred to as “Helicopter Parents” to “U-2 Parents”: observers instead of combatants—present, attentive, but largely undetected from such a distance.

So let’s say Ian spends the night before an exam doing pet tricks instead of studying, but this time, his parents, Michael and Debbie, refrain from the usual exhortations. (This is a true story, names changed) Ian fails the test, and he is demoralized. The next week he does the same thing again and still they don’t intervene. This time he’s also angry. “This really sucks, and it is your fault!” he yells at his parents. He is called into the dean’s office and asked to account for his drop in grades. The dean tells him he has to improve his performance or he’ll get placed in a lower math level.

Ian is still angry at his parents for “not caring” about him, but he really doesn’t want to get a math demotion. This is the first time it’s occurred to him that he might not get into a great college, which is what his parents have been signaling to him is his inevitable fate. It takes a lot of work to get his parents to stick with the program at this point. Michael and Debbie were really worried he would become overwhelmed or even break down. I convinced them that if they intervened now, they would only be delaying a train wreck until the first year of college. Sooner or later, he had to learn what to do when he failed.

Used to being bailed out by his parents, Ian was confused. Eventually he came up with the idea of asking his teacher for help. The teacher was willing to help but only if Ian made the appointments himself and showed up consistently. In these private meetings, Ian learned that his revered double honors math teacher had failed calculus the first time. The teacher was blunt in telling Ian that if he did not take responsibility for his own learning, he should give up on the idea of being a math or science major in college. Ian had been counting on this teacher for a strong recommendation. Once again, his sense of inevitable success was shaken, so he was scared into being responsible. Ian is still showing up for the appointments.

Motivating kids who have reached their teenage years without accruing much intrinsic motivation is a complicated affair. Some adolescents have been shown to dramatically increase their test scores with something as simple as the promise of M&M’s. For some kids—the confident ones—cheerleading by laying the compliments on thick spurs them to take on challenges. For the less confident kids, overpraising is disastrous.


The hardest part of the parents’ task is often the quid pro quo, insisting on getting some things from their kid up front, in return for the privilege—not the inevitability but the earned privilege—of going to college. Parents have to accept that the narratives are open-ended. One never knows which “failure” will be the tipping point for an adolescent toward more effort, self-reflection, assuming responsibility, in a word, discovering inner motivation.

The reason we need to make this shift is obvious if we think about our own lives. We can very often trace significant, unexpected growth in our adult lives as emerging out of disappointments and setbacks. Perhaps as a direct result of a failure, we encounter someone who becomes a pivotal mentor, who sees a spark in us we miss. We are denied admittance to what seems like the ticket to our early dream, only to discover our calling, more subtle but more configured to our values and strengths. If you need convincing, here is a blog that chronicles the unlikely ways that musicians, artists, and other creative types got their start. All of these experiences are painful in the short term, but ultimately, hopefully, lead to a shot at happiness.

Dan Griffin is a clinical psychologist and family therapist in the greater Washington area.

Leadership Coach to address local high school students and families at next Youth Connect event!

Youth Connect’s next community event, scheduled for Saturday, March 8^th , will be a presentation by Dr. Leslie Braksick, entitled “#clarityandconfidence”.  Geared toward high school students and their families, Dr. Braksick’s conversation will offer a framework for avoiding stressors and navigating high school choices and trade-offs.  

The presentation is a recap and continuation of a very popular talk Dr. Braksick delivered to students and faculty at Sewickley Academy’s upper school last year that went viral in hard copy format. Touching on the highlights from that speech, and delving more deeply into the importance of good decision-making skills, #clarityandconfidence is sure to be another valuable Youth Connect presentation.

The talk is scheduled to run from 11 and until 12:15 pm on Saturday, 8 March 2014 in the dining hall of the Sewickley Presbyterian Church; Sewickley Academy’s Home and School Association will provide a complimentary lunch to attendees.  

Tips on Raising Good Digital Citizens"

Lynn Sanborne, Sewickley Academy (SA) Counselor, and Mark Hansen, Head of Lower School at SA, presented “Technology and Your Child”. In this webinar, they provided a number of good pointers on how to “raise good digital citizens”. The webinar can be found here.

Some resources suggested in the presentation:  

The website www.commonsense.org 

“The Big Disconnect” by Dr. Steiner-Adair 

“Talking Back to Facebook” to James P.Steyer.”

Dr. Sheffield Returns to QV: PARENTING REIMAGINED

Quaker Valley School District will host the second in a series of three parent workshops on Wednesday, Jan. 29, 2014, at Quaker Valley Middle School. This free program will be held from 6:30 – 8 p.m. and includes dinner and childcare.

A free dinner will be offered from 5:30 – 6:30 p.m. in the school cafeteria and free supervised children’s activities will be held in the gymnasium during the parent program.

The program entitled, “Parenting Re-Imagined: Excellence Begins at Home!,” builds upon last year’s series and will again be facilitated by Dr. Don Sheffield, author and educator. The workshops are designed to assist parents in understanding successful behaviors; to provide strategies for improving academic work; to support parents in developing habits of excellence at home; and to help parents maximize parent-child interaction to ensure proper academic and personal development and growth.

Attendees can RSVP by contacting Stefanie McKissic at 412-749-3616 or mckissics@qvsd.org with the number of adults and children planning to attend.

The final follow-up program on similar topics is scheduled for Wednesday, March 26, 2014.

Dr. Sheffield earned his bachelor’s degree in secondary education from Geneva College, his master’s in education from Slippery Rock University, and his doctorate in higher education from Penn State University. Dr. Sheffield spent most of his career in higher education – including 26 years at the Pennsylvania State University until his retirement in 2002. He currently serves as an adjunct professor of education for the Penn State Beaver campus.

A major emphasis of Dr. Sheffield’s work is helping parents manage the academic development of their children. He has developed programs that incorporate excellence training at home and delivered numerous workshops for improving parenting skills. His academic experience, family background and athletic training have given him a unique perspective on the essence of excellence and high performance.

A resident of Beaver Falls, Dr. Sheffield is the father of three adult sons and grandfather of two.

2013 Community Youth Worker Annual Report Released

(Below is an excerpt from this year's Community Youth Worker annual report. For the entire report via PDF, email youthconnect@hotmail.com.)


Introduction

When Floyd Faulkner came onboard to pilot the newly-created position of Community Youth Worker, there were high hopes amongst all interested in our community’s youth that this would prove to be successful in engaging more community youth in positive behaviors. Now in its fifth year, the program has proved to be highly successful, in no small part due to Floyd himself, as well as the commitment of organizations and individuals throughout the community who support the position. Most significantly, Quaker Valley School District has incorporated this position as a part of the district’s administrative staff, insuring that this valuable program continues.

The Community Youth Worker (CYW) is focused on the mission to give our young people the best chance to enjoy teen years while avoiding risky behavior. The primary approach is based upon the theory of the 40 Developmental Assets. Very simply: Our CYW Floyd Faulkner, as a caring adult, ensures that our children are strengthened with increased access to resources during their most vulnerable years. The message to the youth of our community is clear: We care about you, and want to help you find what you need to be successful. Working in close partnership with Youth Connect, the CYW helps to identify how to best supply these resources.

Although the CYW is primarily focused on middle schoolers, Floyd continues to work with children from pre-K through post-grad and their families. The following report highlights some of the key accomplishments for 2012-2013.

Our Community Youth Worker

Relationships with the Youths

The 8^th grade students Floyd first met during the pilot year are now getting ready to graduate. It is rewarding to see how students have matured over the years, many achieving at unexpected levels.  This year has included writing letters of recommendations for college and jobs, as these students move on from school.

While it is difficult to put into numbers the impact of the Floyd’s work, the day to day effects are clear. For example, now when teachers or administration see signs of problems with a student, they bring Floyd in. Typically, he knows the student, has a relationship with the student, and is able to provide valuable input into the situation. Issues quickly diffuse rather than turn into greater disciplinary or academic problems.

Relationships with the Families

The families are also a key part of this. No work with youth can truly be successful without involvement of the family. As CYW, Floyd often reaches out to parents of students – not just to address negative behaviors, but because he also often identifies positive behaviors that would benefit from providing further opportunities for the youth. Families value this level of interest and support for their children.

It works in the other direction, as well. Because Floyd is very visible in the community and has developed many positive relationships with adults, families trust him. It is not unusual for parents to first turn to him when they have concerns, or are just looking for some guidance regarding their children.

The Discretionary Fund

Funding from the Sewickley Presbyterian Church, Union Aid and others (noted in the box below) have created a discretionary fund for the CYW to use as needed to provide access to opportunities for youth in the community. Floyd identifies opportunities, both for individual youth, and for group activities, and is able to tap into the fund to make sure these opportunities can be taken.

2012-2013 Donors The Grable Foundation Penguin Bookshop Union Aid  Barbara Thaw  Sewickley Presbyterian Church Youth Connect

Life-Expanding Experiences

Fishing: With help from Who’s Your Brother, Floyd and Luke Wholey (of the Pittsburgh’s famed Wholey family, and proprietor of Wild Alaskan Grille in the Strip District) took 3 boys fishing – a new and fun experience for them. Afterwards, Luke took the group back to his restaurant, showed them how to filet and cook fish, and then treated all to a meal!

Thurgood:  Floyd took 9 students to see the play “Thurgood” at Pittsburgh Public Theatre. The students were impressed by all that they learned about Justice Thurgood Marshall.

Black Angels Over Tuskagee: Around the time of the Tuskagee Airmen celebration in Sewickley, a group of students and parents were treated to an evening in the city to see “Black Angels Over Tuskagee” via the CYW discretionary fund.

Robert Morris University tour:  Floyd worked with QVSD and RMU to arrange a college tour for 26 7^th and  8^th graders for the second year. The tour is intended to give students a better view of what college is like, as well as help them understand what they need to focus on in their upcoming high school years. The tour was once again very well received, with students already clamoring for this year’s tour.

Health and Wellness

Many students are interested in participating in sports, or working out at the Y, yet don’t have the financial ability to sign up. This year, Floyd has used the discretionary fund to sponsor several students in the Quaker Valley Wrestling Program, send five students to the Sewickley YMCA summer camp, provide support for approximately 30 student YMCA memberships, and pay for 4 Youth Basketball League memberships.  He also was able to connect one student with free tennis coaching.

The Sewickley Valley YMCA routinely offers fun excursions for students, usually with some small fee attached. Sometimes even this small fee, however, prevents a student from being able to participate. Over the past year, Floyd has been able to use discretionary funds to ensure that any student wanting to go on an excursion can do so.

Arts

 Through the discretionary fund, Floyd has continued to provide support for some students with excellent musical skills. One of his students being coached is on her way to auditions at prestigious conservatories, for admittance next school year.

Academics

Through his strong relationship with the staff of Laughlin Children’s Center, along with discretionary funds, Floyd provided referrals, as well as four sponsorships, for tutoring and counseling.

Middle School Engagement

One of the key roles of the CYW is to engage with middle-schoolers, during their most vulnerable years. It is therefore very important that Floyd spends a sizeable amount of time at the Quaker Valley Middle School, getting to know the students, and making sure they understand how he can help them.

This past spring, Floyd was a key part in planning “Transformation Day”, an event for all middle schoolers where the girls were treated to a presentation by Kiya Tomlin, and Jamal Woodson along with Floyd talked with the boys about expectations, their futures, and risky behaviors. This event was well-received by the students, and will be repeated again this coming spring.

Maintaining a consistent presence at the Quaker Valley Middle School is important to maintaining connection. In a new program this year, Floyd participates in “Period X”, where he routinely plays basketball and football with students.  This past spring, he once again was chaperone for the 6^th grade class trip.

When the middle schoolers move on to 9^th Grade,  Floyd continues to play a role. At 9^th Grade Orientation, Floyd spoke to  the students about the new opportunities coming to them, risky behaviors, growing closer to parents instead of apart, relationship-building, and taking advantage of the support of high school staff. Having established relationships with the students in middle school, this speech is key part of their transition…”Mr. Floyd” reminding them of all that the good that they have in front of them.

Community Collaborations

Laughlin Children’s Center

Floyd has found that some parents who could most benefit from Laughlin Children’s Center resources are unaware of the valuable counseling, tutoring, and other services offered. When parents identify needs that might be served by LCC, Floyd ensures that they understand what is available to them. He also provides sponsorships through the discretionary fund, or arranges scholarships with LCC, as needed.

Sewickley Valley YMCA:  Floyd continues to attend the OASIS afterschool program, both helping to supervise along with Hank Ford, YMCA Youth Director, as well as continuing to develop relationships with middle-schoolers who attend.

Sewickley Public Library: Working with Teen Librarian Emily Fear, Floyd took a group of 11 middle school girls on a field trip to experience a women-run radio station. The goal was to expose the girls to fields that are historically male-dominated. The girls’ response to the event was so great that Floyd and Emily are now working on bringing a full girls’ leadership program (Blossom and Flourish) to the community this coming winter.

St. Stephens Church: Floyd presented to the St. Stephens Side-by-Side program, helping single mothers to understand his role and how he might help them and their children.

Sewickley Academy/Summerbridge: Each year Floyd recruits students from QVSD and the Cornell School District for the Summerbridge program hosted by Sewickley Academy. For the accepted students, it has been a life-changing experience. We now have a total of 11 kids in the program.  And particularly good news: The program has added a year, so students attend as rising 6^th graders through rising 10^th graders.

QVSD Parenting Series: As CYW, Floyd has played a key role in developing and supporting a series of workshops by Dr. Don Sheffield on the topic of parenting. In addition to recruiting parents to attend, he joins the families for dinner then entertains the children while their parents spend time learning with Dr. Sheffield.

QVMS Afterschool programs: On days not at the OASIS, Floyd is with the students at Jeff Evanko’s Art Program, or Bruce Wolovich’s  Service

Quaker Valley Wrestling: As part of the founding team, Floyd is heavily involved in the new QV Wrestling Team, now in year two. The past year, the team grew to 45 students ages 5 – 12. Floyd has been able to provide scholarships to students that allow them to participate. And, most importantly, he coaches!

Thank You to the Organizations Who Partner with our Community Youth Worker

Through Youth Connect, a large number of organizations are now collaborating with our Community Youth Worker. We are especially grateful to Laughlin Children’s Center for providing office space and support.

Child Health Assn of Sewickley	Sewickley Academy
Cornell School District	Sewickley Community Center
Fern Hollow Nature Center	Sewickley Presbyterian Church
Friends of Quaker Valley Schools	Sewickley Public Library
Laughlin Children’s Center	Sewickley Valley YMCA
Magistrate Bob Ford	Sweetwater Center for the Arts
Quaker Valley School District	Union Aid
St. Stephens Church	Youth Connect
Samaritan Counseling Center

Above and Beyond

In addition to his role as CYW, Floyd has become increasingly involved in supporting the community. He is now serving as a board director for both the Sewickley Valley YMCA and Friends of Quaker Valley Schools Education Foundation, as well as coach of the Quaker Valley Wrestling Association. He also regularly supports requests to speak in the Sewickley area to various groups and organizations.

Plans for the Future

As CYW, Floyd is continually looking for new opportunities to support our youth. This coming spring, he is planning to form a Boys-To-Men group for Period X, along with QV Counselor Matt Parrish. He is also working on an “Importance of Fathers” event for the community, via Youth Connect.

Youth Worker Advisory Board

While the CYW position is a QVSD position, it is supported in many ways by the community. Oversight for the position is provided by the YWAC, which includes Child Health Association of Sewickley; Laughlin Children’s Center; The Presbyterian Church, Sewickley; Quaker Valley School District, Sewickley Valley YMCA, and Youth Connect. The group meets the Youth Worker each month to learn of his recent activities, and identify opportunities to provide support for efforts.

This past year, the Pennsylvania School Boards Association put together a video of “heroes” from across the state, and Floyd was specifically highlighted for his afterschool efforts. He is certainly our Everyday Hero!